I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
