so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
