I feel like abortions should bother me more
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
