I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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