weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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