if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
