ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
