Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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