My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
