I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
