dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
