it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
