literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
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Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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