Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
