I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
