i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Small penises have feelings too.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
