the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
