covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
