Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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