I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
