one word: firstdatebathroomanal
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
