Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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