He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
