Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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