it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
