At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
