I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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