Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
