Just fell off a train. Bad.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
