whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
