She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
