If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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