My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
