That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
