I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
