I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
