I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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