I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
