u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
babies were throwing up all over the place
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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