mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
