who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
