I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
