Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
