Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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