The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
