hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize