I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
