My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
