he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
