peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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