you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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