the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
