If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
