Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
