did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
