I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
