maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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