I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
