I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
