Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
