It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
