She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
