Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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