oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
