My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
