I got chris browned last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
