This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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