I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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