he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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