I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
