he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am mentally ready for anal.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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