You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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