I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
