just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
