hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
