He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
