I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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