Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have demons in me.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
