You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
